This week in The Archers, Ruth Archer suffered a miscarriage just after finding out she was pregnant. She was trying to reassure herself by saying things were no different from when she was still blissfully ignorant of being pregnant. But this all brought back our personal experience of miscarriage when Jane lost a baby after just 10 weeks. In theory, you are no worse off than when there was no baby, but the loss of hope is a painful wound, and that’s just what Ruth’s mother told her.
She is of course correct. Jane was 38 when she was pregnant in 2004 and because we realised that realistically our time was limited, the loss of that hope was a crushing blow. Along with it came the thought that our chance had gone. I know its hard for those not involved. What do you say to someone who’s gone through that? The amount of times I heard “these things happen” was amazing. Yes they do, and who can say why they do. In our view, it just wasn’t our baby’s time to arrive, and thankfully we were blessed in 2005, and Matthew was born in October that year. We loved him as soon as we saw him, but I wonder if our loss in 2004 gave his arrival added poignancy.
Its hardest on the woman of course who goes through the physical as well as the emotional pain. Its hard to explain how badly it makes you feel. There’s no obvious external giveaway, but as I said above its the loss of a possibility that hurts the most. I’ve seen some criticism of the storyline, and the fairly graphic description of the process, but it still seems a bit of a taboo subject that can’t be uttered. Its little wonder that people don’t know what to say to those affected, so well done to the script writers for having the nerve to tackle it. Maybe those that have to suffer a miscarriage will get more understanding from those around them, and will ultimately help them through a tough time.