Who’s Worried Most?

A while ago I posted about Daniel’s upcoming operation to pin his knees to straighten up his legs (https://theworldofneil.wordpress.com/2013/11/27/apsie-operations-asd-brother/) Today we took Daniel (and Matthew) along to the hospital today to have a look round the ward where Daniel will be heading next Monday for the op, just so he could get comfortable about where he’s going, and what it will be like. He was happy enough. There’s a Wii with Mario Kart in the play area, and he’ll have kids TV at his bed, so all is well! He was all very matter of fact about it, and is now of the view that next week can’t come soon enough.

But it seems its not Daniel that’s worried most. Matthew was highly agitated today, was continually telling Daniel to be careful, to not run, that toys and children can get lost in hospital. His eyes were everywhere when we got up to the surgical ward. He knows what Daniel is facing, and despite being like a typical sibling, he cares deeply for Daniel. Woe betide anyone who threatens Daniel’s safety. He already has a plan for next Monday. I’ll take Jane & Daniel up to the hospital, return home to pick up Matthew from school, head out for tea, then visit Daniel in the evening. I think Matthew won’t rest easy until he’s seen Daniel and is satisfied that he’s come out of the op in one piece.

The Tuesday will be tough to judge. I don’t think Matthew will settle truly until Daniel is home again, and it will be a judgement call on the Tuesday morning whether or not to send him into school. Matthew’s ASD means that he becomes very anxious very quickly. and having him in class may prove too disruptive for the rest of the class. The educational experience may be too diluted for Matthew’s benefit too as it may be too hard for him to concentrate on the work at hand.

Daniel’s head is in a decent place over the operation, but for Matthew? Well, he needs to get himself prepared for it. Its something that’s beyond his control, and he doesn’t like that at all. He’s worried about Daniel on top of that, and he can’t express that concern out loud, but instead will just get himself wound up. Its up to us to reassure him that Daniel will be fine. It does seem that Daniel will be encouraged to be on his feet by the Tuesday, and seeing Daniel up and about might really put Matthew’s mind at rest. But for a boy who will often say “I dont’ care about you” to Daniel (in the heat of the moment) he has a funny way of showing it.

Yes, Monday can’t come soon enough for both our boys.


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